UNDERDOGMA: ANTI-OSCARS: So, you know how there’s a bunch of amazing actors who spend their careers crying into their Oxycontin while the Best Actor Academy Awards-shaped holes in their souls get all gross and bitter and infected, while inferior thesps polish their Oscars with hot, self-important jizz in the privacy of their guest loo? You know: Catherine Zeta Jones has one; Julianne Moore doesn’t (she’s had four nominations). Johnny Depp, Ed Norton, Leo and Gary Oldman don’t have one between them; Russell Crowe is stroking his down with dingo oil right now.

Political industry dynamics force the hands of taste and decency when deciding who gets an Oscar (like…preferably someone who’s suddenly fat, gay, iconic, black or half-retard) and this applies to the music too. Everyone is licking Ludovic Bource’s balls for The Artist -  BUTT – did it have to win the best Bafta and a Golden Globe for its OST too? Sha! As if! So here’s JUKE’s totally unofficial award ceremony for the soundtracks that blew our minds a lot more than some retrograde, predictable 20s-by-numbers bullshit (that reminds us distinctly of The Mask…?!)


American Beauty petal, Clint Mansell gave football culture a moral third dimension in United.  The Chemical Brothers went all femme (Nikita) on Hanna‘s ass.  Harry Escott (Shame) made Debbie-Downer his new middle name, shame-now-man. And David Wingo spinal-tapped into the cerebral paranoia vibes for Take Shelter. James Edward Barker composed British Film of the Year (in JUKE’s unhumble opinion anyway.. not that anyone LISTENS to usssss) Weekend AND our worst movie of all time (this time it’s official) Human Centipede II. 

Apart from the OSTs, some movies flexed their taste by assembling truly great soundtracks. Young Adult couldn’t get more alt if Charlize donned a Suicidal Tendencies bandana throughout. Almodovar used some of Sarah Lund’s, sorry, we mean Trentemøller’s kewl-beats to punctuate The Skin I Live In. And Bridesmaids of course, had a soundtrack that would see any good time girl through her deepest, darkest menses.

The coveted JUKE DONG[LE] goes to Cliff Martinez, who didn’t crack a nod from the panel either – despite laying golden eggs on us like some kind of gross goose on Senokot: Contagion, The Lincoln Lawyer… and hello, Drive?! The dude is a legend: not only did he score Steven Soderbergh’s Sex, Lies And Videotapes, Traffic and Solaris; but also 90s Slater skate-staple, Pump Up The Volume. And sorry, we can’t help political dynamics creeping in either… Martinez gets extra JUKE brown-nose points – because… hold tight…. in the early 80s, he played drums for Captain Beefheart, The Dickies, Lydia Lunch and The Weirdos, as well as on RHCP’s classic Freaky Styley. Just before they recorded again, Anthony Kiedis sacked him, because his ‘heart was no longer in the band’. Don’t break it again, next year, Oscars.

Calexio – Boyle Swims Ashore [The Guard]
David Wingo – Signing [Take Shelter]
Nim – Nim and the Cats [Project Nim]
Clint Mansell – The lights went out in Manchester [United]
Brides Maids – That’s what friends are for [Bridesmaids]
Karin Burnett – Leap Year [Leap Year]
Harry Escott – Unravelling [Shame]
Cliff Martinez – They’re calling my flight [Contagion]
Trentmoller – Shades of Marble [The Skin I Live In]
Kavinsky & Lovefoxxx – Nightcall [ Drive]
Chem Bro’s – Escape 700 [Hanna]
Thomas Newman – Community Charge [The Iron Lady]
Washington Phillips – Mothers last words to her son [We Need To Talk About Kevin]