June 8, 2012 JUKEBOX ⁄  FANTASY FIVE-PIECE: JENNIFER HERREMA

FANTASY FIVE-PIECE:

With Jennifer Herrema, Royal Trux

We don’t really wish our CVs channeled the wretchedness of smack addiction and Fleetwood Mac levels of doomed soulmate action, but then, we want to be plumbers’ assistants. If your dream job entails being rock ‘n roll excess incarnate, then Royal Trux are your idiot’s guide. We’ve run the numbers – and one part Jennifer Herrema to a gajllion Taylor Swifts equals nine Bret Michaels.

Jennifer Herrema: once, teenaged conjoined Royal Trux twin (with strung-out loverboy, Pussy Galore’s Neil Hagerty), Calvin Klein model, part-time stripper, junkie, boozehound, Timothy Leary cohort, homeless person, muse to Stephen Meisel, heroin chic poster girl and authentic ‘white trash’ cribnote for the middle-class Sonic Youth and Nirvana frathouses. Now: singer in RTX, ranch-dwelling producer (The Kills, Palace Music etc.), writer, model and fine artist.

We don’t have space for a trip down her needle-strewn memory lane and besides, things have gone a little pear since then. But when we run out of cool things to think about, we like to remember when Virgin gave Royal Trux a $1.5 million advance on a 3-album deal that was meant to underline the label’s connection to 90s youth culture. Royal Trux blew most of it on drugs before producing Sweet Sixteen, the only album EVER to get a no-star review in Rolling Stone. Soon after, Virgin paid the band in full for their final contracted album on one condition: that they didn’t make it. Ahhhhhh.

Jennifer Herrema gave us her fantasy band lineup. We’re going to gargle with some Semtex and take turns reading it out loud.

“This is my fantasy band called Bones and Bloods….But people call us ‘99%’

James Booker – keyboards
Cus he was one of the most badass piano players ever…he could play fast as lightning to the point of being percussive and could literally hold up any audience at gun point for all the cash in their pockets….could totally help with road expenses while we’re touring.

Michael Shrieve - drums
Cus he executed one of the siiiiickest drum solos ever playing with santana at woodstock…..he’s a monster at improv and finding and getting into the groove zone…will be perfect for our on stage pee breaks

Eddie Hazel – lead guitar
Cus he executed one of my fav guitar solos of all time on the song maggot brain and is one of my fav guitar players ever….He could also make sure we get well taken care of by any stewardesses on any flights we might have to endure while on tour…..he had a way with the stewardesses ;)

Malcolm Young – rhythm guitar
Cus he’s solid as hell!!! and would be able to lead the group on daily calisthenics to keep our chops lean for the on stage synch steps!

Robert Wilson – bass
“the godfather of bass” nuff said?

Jennifer Herrema and Wino (Scott Weinrich) – lead vocals (doubled up)
Cus it’s my fantasy band and I know we sound good together cus I just did a duet with him!!”

 

For JUKE Vol.03